I have always walked a fine line between self-loathing and self-aggrandizing. I have never found a way to discern the difference in self-confidence and egotism. (Even this paragraph says "self" and "I" so many times that my skin crawls. ) As a child I was sent to "self-esteem" day camp. As an adult, I just oscillate. However, I have begun to see the toll that it is taking on my health and the mental health of my family. I am slowly learning to breath within the reality that I am not a wretched waste of humanity, nor a categorical genius.
I am learning that my existence mundane yet valuable. So, I follow my passion to write. I don't have ground breaking wisdom to share, nor the funniest jokes of all time, no compelling thriller in my bones to ebb out onto the page. However, there may be some value in my mind to share. Perhaps if nothing else, an encouraging word or paragraph to let others know that:
Growth is possible. Compassion towards self is not a sin. Introspection is not egotism. 40 is not too late to start building a healthy relationship with yourself. Breathing deeply is important. Stretching encourages growth.
I have always wanted to write. I have often tried to write, but have never been successful. My mental health, poor life choices, life circumstances have always thwarted me. This time feels different. This time, I feel like I have thoughts that others may want to invest their own time in reading. If the Bible and The Byrds are right, there is a time to every purpose. I am going to follow this one where it leads.
Greetings, friend. Let's try something anew together.